Today’s your birthday. But you know that 🙂 It’s raining today and I can’t help but feel like the rain is the tears I cry for you almost every day.. especially today. I’m sitting here, trying to remember your other birthdays and I can only remember a few of them. Your 18th birthday… and some of the demons I still have from that. But those are between you, me and Grandma Painter 🙂 Your 38th  birthday..at Henry Ford. But was I there? I can’t remember.. I can only remember the things I see in the photos from that day, so was I really there or are my memories just from…

Hello Kast Family, It doesn’t seem possible, a decade into the new century! Where has the time gone?…. I still remember watching TV on New Year’s Eve 1999 and waiting for the TV and the clocks and the computers to go blank at midnight. Seems funny now, but no one really knew what was going to happen, which turned out to be nothing. So much has happened in the past 10 years, so many changes, events, happiness and heartaches.  Sometimes it’s difficult to focus on the good things, the positives that have taken place, but that is one of my New Year resolutions, to try to see the good things…

Good morning all! Despite all the Holiday Decs that have been appearing since before Halloween, today will always be the official start of the season for me. Jenn is in Hong Kong this morning (night for her). Probably didn’t get turkey for her dinner, I hope it was an exotic Chinese dinner of some kind. Should be hearing from her today. I think it’s warm there, good for her! Today I try to think of the things I am thankful for. Sometimes it’s hard. So many tough times for so many. But, for sure I know I am thankful for my family and for my friends. I am thankful for…

Oh Jenn, what wonderful pictures, and what memories they bring! I can still see you two in your uniforms on the Midway. And riding the train………and your cousin Chris, the engineer…….so many smiles………and they help today. Yesterday morning, as I walked in to work in the dark, I thought about this same day three years ago, as you and I walked in the dark in to another hospital. We were on our way to the transplant unit where you were going to give your precious stem cells for your sister. How hopeful and excited we were (and you very nervous 🙂 What an exciting day it was. Ker in her…

Last winter, I received a small packet of pictures from my old Manager at Cedar Point. She didn’t know where they came from, but she wanted me to have them. It seems one day, when they were all at lunch, someone visited the Park Operations office and left a small photo album on the counter. No name, no note.. just the photo album sitting there when they all came back to the office.  This, in itself is a little strange, since you can’t just drive into Cedar Point when it’s closed. You have to go through security, and get approval to enter, so not sure how this person even got…

For a long time now, I’ve been wondering why Kerrie doesn’t come to “visit” me.  I never have dreams about her, never “feel” her near me.. I talk to her all the time, cry to her all the time, always tell her how much I miss her … but never feel her there.  The only time, in the last year, that I have felt her is when I walked into Mom’s house when I went home in July. Walked in the front door.. and there she was. I felt her the minute I walked in.. KNEW she was standing there right in front of me.. in the living room where her…

Hello Kast Family, Fall is fast approaching, last night there were frost warnings, although we didn’t see any here, it’s coming. My flowers in the front have turned in to a jungle. And there are sunflowers everywhere; little, big, tall, short. It’s amazing the variety that has come from those seeds. I realized something the other day when I was reading some of the posts. I haven’t seen any butterflies this year. Once, early in the season a big colorful one flew by and that’s been it. I envy those of you who have had visits from our little flying friends. I miss them, so many last year and none…

Hello Kast Family, So many of you have been with me the last few days more than you will ever know. I have been getting ready to paint my living room and part of the preparation is putting everything away. It started last week when I moved everything out of the bookcase that was my binder cupboard, picture storage and general catch all. Time to empty the binders and put the contents in envelopes to be looked at someday. All the correspondence from Medicare and Medicaid. The lists of Kerrie’s meds and supplies and equipment from the Home Health Agency. Memos, letters, bills, receipts and on and on. And we still have every card and…

Two years…. it doesn’t seem like it. Sometimes the memories are so fresh it feels like it just happened. But, it’s true.. she’s been gone for two years now. I came home a few days ago.. walked in the door and got hit smack in the face with “Kerrie”!  I could feel her there, in the room where she would always lay in her bed, smiling and waving to greet me when I would walk in the door. It felt so incredibly strong, and I wasn’t expecting it.. so it stopped me in my tracks. I walked in the room, said “Hi Kerrie. I love you.. and I’m here.” and…

Hello Kast Family, Summer is finally here, with the heat, and thunder storms and flowers. I have pots all over with big plants and little plants and seedlings. I’m sure you can’t guess what I have planted. I started in the spring with little plastic cups on the windowsill. My plants are almost ready to bloom and I have more to come every couple of weeks. Sunflowers of course! There will be tall single ones and short little ones and pots of mixed ones. If I planned it right I’ll have them all through the summer and in to the fall. The week before last was a week of ups and downs.…