Happy Birthday Kerrie

Today’s your birthday. But you know that 🙂

It’s raining today and I can’t help but feel like the rain is the tears I cry for you almost every day.. especially today.

I’m sitting here, trying to remember your other birthdays and I can only remember a few of them.

Your 18th birthday… and some of the demons I still have from that. But those are between you, me and Grandma Painter 🙂

Your 38th  birthday..at Henry Ford. But was I there? I can’t remember.. I can only remember the things I see in the photos from that day, so was I really there or are my memories just from the photographs? Wait.. yes, I was there.. because I had flown in from Bulgaria ( maybe it was Paris.. no, I was in Paris on Mom’s birthday that year).  I was suppose to go to Turkey as well, but cut that trip short so that I could be home in time for your birthday and I remember I barely made it because there was a five hour delay with my flight. And now, I suddenly remember walking into the room.. I got in so late, walked in to the dark room, walked over to you and kissed you on the forehead, while you slept, and wished you a Happy Birthday.. and I made sure I was right there, next to you, when you woke up on your birthday.

Your 40th birthday.. last year.. and the party we had for you at my house. Well, I don’t remember much of that 🙂 But maybe you remember more than I do. I am sure you were sitting around the table with us.

As I am writing this, Mom is with you at the cemetary. She just sent me a text with a picture of the wreath and the balloon. I hope you are with her right now. I am sure you are.

I love you Ker-Bear. I love you and I miss you.. and I hope you are happy today, even though my heart is sad.

I love you.. Happy Birthday.