Butterflies

Weeks ago ( maybe months?.. I’m losing a little track of time) I promised I would let everyone know a little something about butterflies. The white butterfly I saw today made me remember I really needed to do this..

If you ever visited Kerrie in her hospital room you may remember seeing a beautiful, green butterfly hanging on her window. Her good friend, Sandy, gave this to her before she went into the hospital and it always hung in Kerrie’s window. No matter how many times we moved rooms the butterfly went with us ( Except to ICU.. since they wouldn’t let her have it there).

Before Kerrie had the strokes, we had a little conversation about butterflies. I would sleep in that fold-out chair, next to her window, and wake up to that butterfly every morning. One day she asked me if the butterfly bothered me and said that I could take it down if I wanted to. I’m not sure why she thought it would bother me, but I told her I liked sleeping next to the window and seeing that butterfly when I raised the window shade each morning. She was having another one of the “if something happens” days and said, “If something happens to me I will send you a butterfly.” I don’t know if she meant she would send me one to let me know she was OK, or what the reason was.. I didn’t ask. I simply gave my normal response of “Kerrie.. nothing is going to happen to you.”

A short time after Kerrie passed away, one of my relatives told me a story about two butterflies they had seen recently. I won’t say which relative, in case they want to remain anonymous, but their father ( my grandfather) had passed away the year before (hmm.. that kind of narrows it down a bit.. but still keeps the person’s anonymity). They were standing outside and were behind a building. I think in a kind of alley in the city, and there were suddenly two white butterflies.. one big one and one little one.. they flitted around, almost like they were letting this person know they were there and then flew away. When I was being told about this, they commented, “Jenn I really think it was Kerrie and my Dad checking on me and letting me know they were there.” It was just a feeling they had.. especially seeing two butterflies in a place where you wouldn’t normally see butterflies. I think I then told the story of Kerrie’s promise to send me the butterfly. I may not have this story correct, as is was some time ago, but if they want to correct some of my details.. feel free.

In February I was in Istanbul and met a man named Fuat. I kept in contact with him, after my trip, and often talked to him online. On night he sent me a message that said: “I’m sending you a butterfly.”

I had goosebumps and chills.. and just kept staring at the words. Then I asked him why he would say that? Why a butterfly? His response was that he liked butterflies and just had this really strong feeling that he was supposed to send me one. I told him the story of Kerrie and her butterfly and he was convinced Kerrie was giving him such the strong feeling that he needed to tell me he was sending me a butterfly. It was such a strange thing for him to feel like he needed to say.. I have to believe that Kerrie was sending me the butterfly as she promised.

I went to visit Fuat, in April, and he gave me a beautiful necklace with two butterflies on it. I wear this necklace everyday. It’s my Istanbul butterfly.. if you’ve heard me mention this before.. now you know the story behind it.

The week before July 27th, people kept telling me how they were seeing white butterflies all over the place. Mom had one that came to visit her every night, as she sat out on her balcony, Aunt Jeannine wrote me that she had been seeing white butterflies all over the place that week, I had messages from several of Kerrie’s friends saying they had seen white butterflies and would think of Kerrie.. white butterflies seemed to be everywhere. I didn’t tell anyone about all these white butterflies because I wanted to see how many people would be talking about them and didn’t want to put the idea in anyone’s head. White butterflies are common, but they seemed to be coming to people in uncommon ways and not to everyone.. I had yet to see one.. but everyone else seemed to be. I did see the one at mom’s while I was there.. but I knew this one was for her as it came to visit her around the same time every evening.

On July 27th, Fuat called me.. he was spending the day at the Black Sea and knew I was getting ready to head to the cemetery. Before I went, he wanted to tell me about the butterfly that had come and sat with him on his beach towel.. a white butterfly. I had not even told Fuat about the butterflies everyone was reporting and he was seeing them too. This one sat on his towel with him for a few minutes before flying away. He knew he had to call me and tell me about it.

A few days after Kerrie’s memorial service, I was sitting on Dad’s boat and thinking about all those white butterflies and why I hadn’t seen any. Maybe my message from Fuat was the only butterfly I was supposed to get and I was expecting too much?! It was time for everyone else to get their butterfly.. A few minutes later a white butterfly flew into the room I was sitting in, flew around my head a little bit, and then flew back out of the boat..

I just smiled and said “thanks Kerrie.”