Tuesday, October 23rd

First, let me say this is not a story about Kerrie.. just want to make that clear, so that if someone doesn’t want to read something that doesn’t mention Kerrie they don’t read any further. This is just a funny story that I thought other people might enjoy. If you know Nate and Noelle, you will enjoy it even more.. but may still get a good laugh out of this even if I am the only person you know in the story.

Maybe this is one of those stories that’s only funny if you were actually there, but I am sure that anyone with any experience in the military will find the humor in this:

So Noelle and Nate decided they would help me move to Virginia.. after two days of very hard work we headed back to Ohio. As a reward for all of their effort I agreed that we would stop in Quantico, Virginia on the way back.. What’s in Quantico? Well, if you haven’t heard of Quantico it’s the location of the FBI Training Facility and the Head Quarters of the United States Marines.

Why did we want to go there? Noelle wanted to see the FBI Training Facility ( and break into it), Jenn wanted to see all the Hottie Marines running around in their uniforms.. and Nate was just along for the ride.

O.K., So we are following the directions on the handy little GPS navigator on my phone, when we turn a corner and find ourselves staring at a sign that says “ Warning! Authorized Personnel Only ( and a bunch of other instructions that we were too freaked out to read). A few yards ahead of us is a Military gate with a woman Marine standing guard.. and holding a big gun! Nate’s freaking out and telling me to turn around, Noelle’s laughing and saying “Oh Shit” and I’m trying to figure out what to do. We are obviously in the wrong place.. but there is no way for me to turn around and no option but to pull up to the gate.

The woman walks up to the car…

Marine: “Ma’am, where are you headed?”
Jenn: “We need to turn around. We made a wrong turn and didn’t mean to come here.”
Marine: “ Where were you trying to go?”

I obviously can’t tell her that Noelle wanted to go to the FBI Training Facility and I wanted to see the Hottie Marines, so I come up with the first thing I can think of.

Jenn: “We were trying to see the city of Quantico”( I didn’t even know if there WAS a city)

Marine: “ Why do you want to go there?”
Jenn: “ We’re on our way home to Ohio and wanted to see Quantico. Just to see it. We didn’t mean to come to the base.”
Marine:” There’s nothing there. It’s just a boring city in the middle of the Military base, but I can’t stop you from going there. I have no jurisdiction there. Only on the base. You can go there if you show me your ID.”
Jenn: “We can go on the base?” ( Thinking of all the Hottie Marines in their uniforms!)
Marine: “ Yes Ma’am. If you show me some ID.”

I ask her how to get to the city, still not wanting her to know I had no clue there even was a city, and she tells me to pull over to the guard booth and she’ll get me a map. So, I pull over to the guard shack. Sitting in the guard booth are two Hottie Marines.. with guns. Lots of guns. One of them walks over to the car and I hear Nate whisper “He’s got a lot of guns.. Oh My God.” He does…. A big gun on each hip and holding a rifle. But, he’s a Hottie Marine, so I’m trying not to pay attention to all the guns.. or the guy standing in the Guard booth with even more guns.. the whole time, Nate is sitting beside me whispering about the guns and I’m just hoping Noelle doesn’t start laughing and keeps her mouth shut!! You really have to know Nate and Noelle to see how funny this is.. but let’s just say they both like to speak their minds, are often loud and not always saying the most appropriate things 🙂 So, I am holding my breath and hoping they keep quiet.

Hottie Marine : “Can I help you Ma’am?”
Jenn: That woman over there told me to pull over here, so she could get me a map.”
Hottie Marine ( Holding onto gun): “Where are you headed Ma’am?”
Jenn: “Umm… we didn’t mean to come here. We took a wrong turn. We were just trying to see the city of Quantico.”

He got us a map, showed me where the city was located ( right in the middle of the base) and told us to have a nice day. I couldn’t believe they were letting us onto the Quantico Base of all places.. and Nate and Noelle of all people. What the heck was I trying to do to our American Armed Forces???

Of course, I didn’t really care about the map.. because we didn’t really want to see the city.. so we just started driving. There were lots of signs everywhere, but nothing for the FBI Training Facility. We had driven half the base when I realized there probably wasn’t going to be a big sign saying “ THE UNITED STATES TRAINS THE FBI HERE. TURN LEFT”

If we could even get anywhere near the place, we were probably going to just have to drive around and hope we find it. As we were driving, Noelle kept saying “Look Jenn, there’s some Marines for you.. look there’s some more.. look over here.. .look over there..” Well, I couldn’t look because I was driving, so I missed seeing all the Hottie Marines doing all their exercises. That’s when Nate says, “Wow.. there sure are a lot of Marines.. they’re everywhere”

Really Nate? Really? We’re on a fricking Marine Base.. who did you think we would see?

As I am just driving where the car will take me, we make a right turn and Noelle and Nate both start yelling “Oh my God, turn around, turn around..” Nate’s freaking out in that high pitched voice he has and Noelle just keeps saying “oh my God”..I don’t see anything wrong.. It looks like an air field ahead of us.. no big deal..so I keep driving..

Jenn: “What’s wrong?”
Nate: “Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God turn around”
Noelle: “Holy Crap, turn around”
Jenn: “What??”
Noelle and Nate: “Get out of here”

That’s when they show me the BIG sign I just drove by that says:

WARNING! WARNING! NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL BEYOND THIS POINT! NO UNAUTHORIZED VEHICLES BEYOND THIS POINT! NO PHOTOGRAPHY BEYOND THIS POINT! VIOLATORS WILL BE MET WITH DEADLY FORCE.

Oh Shit.. I’ve gone beyond that point and I’m just sitting there looking around.. a car is coming, with a Hottie Marine in it, so I make a really fast U-Turn and get the hell out of there. In the mean time, Noelle is TAKING PICTURES!!!!!!!!!

Noelle, we are unauthorized personnel, we are in an unauthorized vehicle, we are “Beyond this point”, Cameras are not allowed.. violators will be met with deadly force and YOU ARE TAKING PICTURES!

Once we got out of that area we were laughing so hard I was almost crying. I was too busy driving to look at much, but it turns out that empty air field had a lot of fighter jet looking planes in it ( Noelle took pictures 🙂

I should mention that I was driving Mom’s van at the time.. nice big van. not easy to hide and not easy to make really fast U-Turns.

Since we were not arrested, or met with deadly force, I keep driving and we keep looking for the FBI Training Facility. Noelle, decides to call her friend Stacy and ask her to look it up on the internet. Maybe it lists an address ( yeah.. Right) and we can put it in the GPS on my phone. While she’s doing this, Nate and I are talking about how our car is probably being tracked by FBI Satellite, the car has been bugged and our conversation is being listed to. Those speed bumps in the road are actually an FBI means of putting a tracking device on your car…Just as Stacy starts to tell Noelle what she found on the Internet, Noelle’s phone goes dead.

Jenn: “See Noelle, I told you they weren’t going to let us find it. They are tracking us and the FBI has just had your cell phone shut off.”

Somehow, I drove off the base ( I think when we actually entered the town of Quantico), but didn’t realize it until we were driving through a gate that had a sign telling all visitors they must report to the office and sign in. Well.. we didn’t. I figured if we got stopped I would play stupid Ohio woman and say ” Oh.. I didn’t know that meant me.. I already showed my ID at the gate when we came in.. Oh gee.. we don’t have no stuff like this in Ohio… ”

We decide to give up, knowing there is no way we would be able to get anywhere near the FBI Facility and decide to head out of the base. There is a long line of cars waiting to get off the base and we think maybe they are searching cars. We’re still talking about Noelle’s cell phone being shut off as we were getting the address for the FBI facility and the car being bugged. Since I am driving Mom’s car I decide I had better play it safe and I start speaking to the ceiling “My name is Jenn Andree.. my address is… please do not show up at my mother’s house. I have her car. This is not Joan Andree..”

We’re watching them stop all the vehicles on the way out when I remember something…

Jenn: “Oh Shit”
Nate: “What?”
Jenn:” You know that package I put in the back of the car? Well, it has pictures of the Kremlin, Red Square and Moscow in it.I got them when I was in Russia and forget to take them into the Townhouse when we were unloading everyting. Our car has already been seen in an area where we weren’t allowed to be, I drove through that second Military gate without stopping to show ID.. and now we are going to have our car searched and they are going to find all kinds of pictures of the Kremlin and Red Square?? This is going to be interesting”

Nate: “I’ll just tell them President Putin sent us.”

Noelle: “Oh my God Nate, don’t you dare.”

Jenn: “ Yeah.. why don’t I just pull over and ask them where the FBI Facility is. Maybe they will give us a map.”

Nate: “and I’ll tell them Putin sent us.”

Noelle: “We’re all going to get home and find black, unmarked cars parked in front of our houses with FBI men waiting for us.”

Nate: ” I’ll just tell them Putin sent us.”

They didn’t search our car, but as we’re driving off the base, Nate keeps saying “Putin sent us”, just incase our cell phones and car really are bugged.. and he’s hanging out the window of the car, taking pictures of the Quantico Base Entrance and he keeps saying “Putin sent us”

We got about 5 miles down the road and Noelle flips over the map they gave use when we first got there. On the back of the map was marked the location of the FBI Training Facility!

Even with the directions in our hands, I don’t think we would have been able to get anywhere near the place.. and I’m not sure letting Nate and Noelle near there would have been a good idea! Nate would probably try to walk in the front door and say “Putin sent us!”