Thursday, October 25th

I really should learn my lesson and not go back and read the old posts.. but on those “dates” that I know there were big things happening I can’t help it. Today was another milestone…

A year ago we were in ICU. Kerrie had the first stroke, but was still able to speak slightly.. and was seeing things that weren’t there. I didn’t write about that in the post, but I remember.. I remember the doctor she saw eating hamburgers.. the man she saw standing in the corner of the room.. and I remember her trying to tell me NOT to sit in a chair when I went to sit down, because someone was already there ( There was no one there). This was right before she had the second stroke where she lost everything… where we lost what was left of our beautiful Kerrie..

I believe there was someone sitting in that chair, there was a man in the corner and the doctor was really sitting next to me eating hamburgers.. I think they were angels that were there to help her through what was to come in the next few hours… I believed it then and I believe it even more now.

I’m surprised I was able to read through all the old posts from this week and not cry.. there isn’t a day that I don’t cry, but I was able to read it all without tears ( Even though I am sick to my stomache).

In a post a few days ago, Mom mentioned that I had Kerrie’s cell phone. For a long time no one could leave messages because her voicemail was full. She wasn’t able to remember her password, so couldn’t get her messages.. We had Verizon reset the password and mom and I listened to the messages the other night. I wasn’t sure we should.. or that Kerrie would want us to, so I told Mom that if anything sounded like a personal message we would delete it without listening to the rest of it.

Some of the messages went back to June.. messages from Sandy, messages from Donna, from Me, from Dad and Mom.. messages from a lot of people that loved Kerrie. I was feeling so sad, knowing that she had never heard these messages when I had this sudden feeling that she was sitting in the chair accross from me. I didn’t mention this to Mom, but wondered if she felt it too…

It may have taken months.. but I know Kerrie heard her messages..