Wednesday, October 17th – www.kast2006.com

The Bone Marrow transplant was a year ago today… We had just finished everything right around now, Kerrie and I were holding hands.. Ron, Mom, Dad and Joyce were all there.. and we were all so happy and full of hope.

Today was a much different day.

I heard this song, on my drive home from work, and it made me think of Kerrie.. I love you Kerrie.

MY IMMORTAL

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along

4 Comments

Jeannine

October 18, 2007 at 10:29 pm

Jenm,

Although you may not have felt it, you were never all alone. You are not now. I love you, more than you know. So many people do. Go towards the Light Jenn. When the memories start to overwhelm you and the bitterness of of that lost Hope fills your heart, force yourself to focus on the Good. There is a reason for everything. Regardless of the personal pain, there is a Plan and a Reason. Kerrie did not die in vain. Her Life and her Death touched and changed us all. She made a Difference! So have you. Love you.

Ron

October 20, 2007 at 1:21 am

i couldnt have said it any better myself jeannine, even though i didnt know you as well as i did kerrie you as well as the rest of the cast family will always have a special place here in my heart. no mater what anyone says or does unkess they have been trhough loosing a borther sister or someone just as close they have no idea of the pain or the emtyness left behind when something like this happens. i agree and will say it again kerrie did not die in vain and even though its not as easy to see her or reach out and touch her she is still there with you when you need her most just close your eyes and she is there in your dreams when your awake every moment of every day.
the last few days here kerrei has been very heavy in my mind and i miss here more than ever… i got a delivery in the mail yesterday of something i ordered a lil while back and had planned to send or hopefully give to kerrie in person it was a halloween present of an “eggplant man” by bethany lowe. it now sits proudly on my mantal over the fireplace and i remeber the good times we had notall the bad times of the past year. when things are at there worst and darkest close your eyes think of kerrei and the good times and she will be there…… waiting the angel in heaven watching, waiting, looking over us all!to all the cast family lots of love and many prayers….
Ron

Jeannine

October 18, 2007 at 10:29 pm

Jenm,

Although you may not have felt it, you were never all alone. You are not now. I love you, more than you know. So many people do. Go towards the Light Jenn. When the memories start to overwhelm you and the bitterness of of that lost Hope fills your heart, force yourself to focus on the Good. There is a reason for everything. Regardless of the personal pain, there is a Plan and a Reason. Kerrie did not die in vain. Her Life and her Death touched and changed us all. She made a Difference! So have you. Love you.
Ron

October 20, 2007 at 1:21 am

i couldnt have said it any better myself jeannine, even though i didnt know you as well as i did kerrie you as well as the rest of the cast family will always have a special place here in my heart. no mater what anyone says or does unkess they have been trhough loosing a borther sister or someone just as close they have no idea of the pain or the emtyness left behind when something like this happens. i agree and will say it again kerrie did not die in vain and even though its not as easy to see her or reach out and touch her she is still there with you when you need her most just close your eyes and she is there in your dreams when your awake every moment of every day.
the last few days here kerrei has been very heavy in my mind and i miss here more than ever… i got a delivery in the mail yesterday of something i ordered a lil while back and had planned to send or hopefully give to kerrie in person it was a halloween present of an “eggplant man” by bethany lowe. it now sits proudly on my mantal over the fireplace and i remeber the good times we had notall the bad times of the past year. when things are at there worst and darkest close your eyes think of kerrei and the good times and she will be there…… waiting the angel in heaven watching, waiting, looking over us all!to all the cast family lots of love and many prayers….
Ron