Monday, January 22nd – www.kast2006.com

Just spoke with Mom… Kerrie is dozing in and out and has had an uneventful day.

Her days always seem to be the same.. at least the ones where she’s not having problems. Sleep, eat, lay in bed, watch tv.. It is really starting to wear on her.

I guess it’s not so bad, on the weekends, when we’re all there but her days have got to be monotonous. Especially during the week.

I’m worried that Kerrie is starting to give up her fight. Mom’s probably going to get upset that I even post this, but oh- well. We need some help in figuring out how to keep her fighting.

She has said, to both Mom and Dad, that she can’t do this anymore.. doesn’t want to do this anymore. The other day, we were cleaning her up, and she was crying because it’s so painful ( due to the bed sores that are starting).. she looked at me and said, “I want to go.”, “I need to go”. Just by the look in her eyes, I knew what she meant and told her she couldn’t go.. I needed her here. Then we both started crying. “I want to go” she said again. One of the nurses just put her arm around me.. the other asked “Where does she want to go?” It doesn’t matter that she was a little clueless.. I knew what Kerrie meant and so did the one nurse.

I am not ready to let her give up this fight and I know no one else is either. I just don’t know what to do. How do we give her the “want” to continue? I wonder if I would want to keep fighting if it were me? Day in and day out.. always the same.. very little relief from the pain.

I know she’s lonely, and visitors would help, but what else? How do you give someone the desire to keep fighting? Any thoughts??

Ker- Bear.. I love you, we all love you, we all need you. Keep fighting. This will get better!!!

13 Comments

Marcie Wright

January 23, 2007 at 1:50 am

I don’t want to seem to be going to go in the wrong direction, but it seems better to say it and then pretend that Kerrie could never feel that way. Who would not feel the way you do Kerrie. You are young and know what is happening, HOWEVER! If you want to have a chance you must want to live. One day at a time. I am so proud of you Kerrie that you have stayed positve so long-It has been since July that you have felt good. Allow some grief for what is missing and then see if you can move on! Maybe to simple, maybe you have already done all this? Hope to see you Wednesday
Kerrie. You don’t know what life has in store for you yet, don’t lose your desire to fight.
I just denial is not healthy for anyone, and saying what you think can ease the load.

Sandy Maynerich

January 23, 2007 at 10:32 am

Jen jsut let it out what you feel that is what you need to do right now. It’s not good holding any kind of feelings in and I’m glad you sent the message telling everyone how you are feeling.
Kerrie please do not give up ok we all love you and I know it must be really hard on her. Just take it one day at a time right now and please do not over do it ok. All your classmates would love to see you again and give you a great big hug and tell you that we all miss you and that were so happy you kept fighting.
Ok love you and miss you.
Sandy

Shane Garver

January 23, 2007 at 3:30 pm

Kerrie,
Sounds like the challenges are getting to you more and more according to what Jenn is saying. Without knowing exactly how you feel, it would be wrong for me to tell you how to handle all of this. But I can tell you that there are so many people, actually, an unbelievable amount of people that are behind you in this fight and quite frankly, wouldn’t know what to do without you. It may sound pushy but you have GOT to stick with this fight. I realize it’s easy for me to say, but once this is all done, look at all of the possibilities for you. So many people are looking forward to the time when this mess is all behind you and you are back in working order. I may be in Kansas City, but despite that, if there is anything I can do for you to help you along here, just name it!
Much love from Kansas City!
Shane

JUDY

January 23, 2007 at 6:29 pm

Hey Kerrie Girl,
I am so sorry that you are getting discourged with this whole mess. You have been such a fighter and these darn set backs just suck. You need to pull up those boot straps and keep trying. It is kind of like going to the work out joints. The first few weeks you really get into it and feeeeeeeel the burn and can’t hardly get out of bed because of the soreness but you figure it must be working because you hurt so much. Then after a month-maybe you get on the scale and you have lost 1/2 of a pound and it is just easier to sit on the coach and eat a Snickers bar, bag of chips, gallon of icecream, etc. and watch the old butt get bigger and bigger. If you are extra lucky like me you will have a cousin like Teena that eats along with you and is still a size 5 and a knock out in a bikini. Now magnify this by 5 million and that is what you have been through. So here is the deal. I will get my fat butt off the couch and get back into Curves and you get back to those PT’s. Come on girl, we can do it!!!! You have so many people pulling for you. We all love you and care about you.
Judy

Paul

January 24, 2007 at 1:28 am

Kerrie,please don’t give up!You are loved by so many including me.Things WILL get better you can’t keep a good woman down and that is what you are.You are on my mind 24-7 and all I want is you to get better. Love you! Paul.

Michelle B

January 24, 2007 at 2:41 am

Kerrie-Hang in there kiddo. I know this is so hard for you. But you have to keep up the fight. You’re a fighter Kerrie. Look how far you’ve come! I can just see it now…a big party for you when you beat this…I wonder if there is a venue large enough for all your friends and family. Your K.A.S.T. is behind you 100%. Remember, I love you long time!
With love,
Michelle

Cousin Pat

January 24, 2007 at 7:43 pm

Dear Kerrie,
The bravery and committment you have shown has been an inspiration to me. Yet, how selfish of me to even consider myself. What this whole horrible experience has been for you is unimaginable to those of us who are healthy. Who you are and the impossible feats you’ve accomplished are astounding, and the idea that you are getting tired of it all is so very understandable. Now I dig deep inside and imagine that I would surely feel the same as you. Having said that, I pray that there would be someone out there that could say that one right thing, or do that small little something that becomes my turning point. Kerrie, in my work-a-day world where all is normal and routine you have been the one who has been my light. My aches or pains pale in comparison, so because of what you suffer, I no longer suffer. The vision loss I have due to my accident is as a speck of dust compared to the loss you know. Hang in there Kerrie…I pray for guidance, I pray for the strength and knowledge to know what to do or say. Ok-Enough of the melodrama (I meant every word though). I’m in on the work out challenge your Aunt J. put forth. “Baby ‘Got Back” may be a fun song but in the mirror it sucks! So…Hi Ho Hi Ho, off to the gym I go! Yikes.
Love you, Pat

Marcie Wright

January 23, 2007 at 1:50 am

I don’t want to seem to be going to go in the wrong direction, but it seems better to say it and then pretend that Kerrie could never feel that way. Who would not feel the way you do Kerrie. You are young and know what is happening, HOWEVER! If you want to have a chance you must want to live. One day at a time. I am so proud of you Kerrie that you have stayed positve so long-It has been since July that you have felt good. Allow some grief for what is missing and then see if you can move on! Maybe to simple, maybe you have already done all this? Hope to see you Wednesday
Kerrie. You don’t know what life has in store for you yet, don’t lose your desire to fight.
I just denial is not healthy for anyone, and saying what you think can ease the load.
Sandy Maynerich

January 23, 2007 at 10:32 am

Jen jsut let it out what you feel that is what you need to do right now. It’s not good holding any kind of feelings in and I’m glad you sent the message telling everyone how you are feeling.
Kerrie please do not give up ok we all love you and I know it must be really hard on her. Just take it one day at a time right now and please do not over do it ok. All your classmates would love to see you again and give you a great big hug and tell you that we all miss you and that were so happy you kept fighting.
Ok love you and miss you.
Sandy
Shane Garver

January 23, 2007 at 3:30 pm

Kerrie,
Sounds like the challenges are getting to you more and more according to what Jenn is saying. Without knowing exactly how you feel, it would be wrong for me to tell you how to handle all of this. But I can tell you that there are so many people, actually, an unbelievable amount of people that are behind you in this fight and quite frankly, wouldn’t know what to do without you. It may sound pushy but you have GOT to stick with this fight. I realize it’s easy for me to say, but once this is all done, look at all of the possibilities for you. So many people are looking forward to the time when this mess is all behind you and you are back in working order. I may be in Kansas City, but despite that, if there is anything I can do for you to help you along here, just name it!
Much love from Kansas City!
Shane
JUDY

January 23, 2007 at 6:29 pm

Hey Kerrie Girl,
I am so sorry that you are getting discourged with this whole mess. You have been such a fighter and these darn set backs just suck. You need to pull up those boot straps and keep trying. It is kind of like going to the work out joints. The first few weeks you really get into it and feeeeeeeel the burn and can’t hardly get out of bed because of the soreness but you figure it must be working because you hurt so much. Then after a month-maybe you get on the scale and you have lost 1/2 of a pound and it is just easier to sit on the coach and eat a Snickers bar, bag of chips, gallon of icecream, etc. and watch the old butt get bigger and bigger. If you are extra lucky like me you will have a cousin like Teena that eats along with you and is still a size 5 and a knock out in a bikini. Now magnify this by 5 million and that is what you have been through. So here is the deal. I will get my fat butt off the couch and get back into Curves and you get back to those PT’s. Come on girl, we can do it!!!! You have so many people pulling for you. We all love you and care about you.
Judy
Paul

January 24, 2007 at 1:28 am

Kerrie,please don’t give up!You are loved by so many including me.Things WILL get better you can’t keep a good woman down and that is what you are.You are on my mind 24-7 and all I want is you to get better. Love you! Paul.
Michelle B

January 24, 2007 at 2:41 am

Kerrie-Hang in there kiddo. I know this is so hard for you. But you have to keep up the fight. You’re a fighter Kerrie. Look how far you’ve come! I can just see it now…a big party for you when you beat this…I wonder if there is a venue large enough for all your friends and family. Your K.A.S.T. is behind you 100%. Remember, I love you long time!
With love,
Michelle
Cousin Pat

January 24, 2007 at 7:43 pm

Dear Kerrie,
The bravery and committment you have shown has been an inspiration to me. Yet, how selfish of me to even consider myself. What this whole horrible experience has been for you is unimaginable to those of us who are healthy. Who you are and the impossible feats you’ve accomplished are astounding, and the idea that you are getting tired of it all is so very understandable. Now I dig deep inside and imagine that I would surely feel the same as you. Having said that, I pray that there would be someone out there that could say that one right thing, or do that small little something that becomes my turning point. Kerrie, in my work-a-day world where all is normal and routine you have been the one who has been my light. My aches or pains pale in comparison, so because of what you suffer, I no longer suffer. The vision loss I have due to my accident is as a speck of dust compared to the loss you know. Hang in there Kerrie…I pray for guidance, I pray for the strength and knowledge to know what to do or say. Ok-Enough of the melodrama (I meant every word though). I’m in on the work out challenge your Aunt J. put forth. “Baby ‘Got Back” may be a fun song but in the mirror it sucks! So…Hi Ho Hi Ho, off to the gym I go! Yikes.
Love you, Pat