HELLO KAST FAMILY!

Well, spring has finally arrived, despite the fact that it has been like spring here since February and we have had some snowflakes since the season became official.

It’s been awhile since we have posted and I want to wish all a happy Easter and Passover holiday season (and any other holiday I have missed).

It’s been quiet around here, but I have stayed pretty busy between yard work, some things I do at the Senior Center (i.e., computer classes, etc) and a recent workshop I attended.

I have had to take a few days to settle back from the workshop. It was an all day event and was presented by two well known (by Compassionate Friends Groups) bereaved fathers who travel the country sharing their stories, asking us ours and giving us songs, jokes, laughter, tears and strong words of encouragement. I find after these events , feelings long pushed back come to the surface again. It is a painful time, but also a healing time.

It is coming up to five years since Kerrie passed over to her new life. There are times I still can’t believe she is really gone. Some days I feel such an emptiness and ache with missing her. We talked together all the time. We shared our thoughts and feelings, worries, concerns, joys and happiness. sometimes I feel her sitting across from me and I talk to her now. I like to think the things she says back are not my imagination but are really coming from her.

One thing I brought back from this workshop that I am going to work on is the final message that Alan and Mitch gave us.

” Do not spend time and energy obsessing about  their loss, spend time loving them and honoring and rejoicing their life.”

That is not such as easy thing to do. I am sure that any of you who have lost someone has regrets about something you did or didn’t do. God only knows how many I have about Ker. But my goal is to try and accept those things and put them aside and spend more of my thoughts on the joy she brought when she was here.

It’s time to take some of the things off the refrigerator that I have kept there for 5 years. It’ s time to bring out pictures of her when she was well and put away the ones when she was sick. Jenn and I are finally starting to go through some of her things. At Christmas time Jenn took a big box of games and other items that had been given to Ker and gave them to the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at Henry Ford Hosp. Jenn doesn’t know it yet, but a couple of days ago I found some more things we need to go thru. They are personal items and I can’t do it alone, so be prepared the next time you come Jenn, more sorting to do.

Little by little it gets better. There is something about losing a child, no matter what age, that puts us parents in a group that is apart from others. I hope that none of you ever has to join this ‘special club’.  It is always with a heartache that we recieve new members at our meetings. My goal is to remember Kerrie, without that heartache, but with joy and love.

Take care all,

Enjoy this season of renewal.

Love you all

Joan