A visit to P2..

Hi everyone, it’s been difficult to write for the past few days..as I am sure you know. I know everyone was probably looking for a post yesterday, but we just didn’t feel like getting on the computer.

Several things have happened this weekend, that I definitely want to tell you about, but think they each deserve their own attention, so will put different posts on about them. It may take me a few days, as I am heading to Dad’s tonight, and will have very limited internet access.

I wanted to let you know about my drive in on Friday.. landed early and was out of the airport by 2:30pm. Was happy about this, because I knew I wouldn’t be driving by Henry Ford at 3:30pm and could just keep driving without trying to even look at the place.. but… hit a traffic jam.

Was driving past Henry Ford at 3:15pm and just had this sinking feeling I needed to go there.. like Kerrie was there and telling me to come and get her. For a long time I had worried that she was still there and had felt like we needed to go get her.. let her know she could leave.. but that feeling stopped a long time ago.. now it was back. I kept telling myself I was just being too emotional and that I should keep driving and get to Mom’s. So.. I drove by.. gave the hospital a quick look and kept going.

I could almost hear the screaming in my head.. “What are you doing? You need to be there and you need to be there by 3:30pm”.. Kept trying to shake it off, but realized I had pulled off the expressway, at the wrong exit, and had to turn around to get back on 75. Well, if I was heading back that way.. I made up my mind.. I was going… I had 12 minutes..

Got to Henry Ford, pulled into my “normal” parking spot ( it was open) and headed inside. My heart was pounding as I looked up at the window of Kerrie’s first room.. the one the family had stood outside of, with the sunflowers and signs, sooo long ago. Walked in the door of the Hospital and had this feeling of “normal” come over me.. Got on the elevator and my hands were shaking when I pushed the button to go to 2..

I stood outside those double doors for a few minutes and couldn’t hit the button to get them to open.. a member of the housekeeping staff walked up and said, “you just push this button and they will open.”.. my head was screaming “I know.. I know.. I’m not ready..” when she hit the button and the doors opened.. so I walked in.

It felt so normal.. it felt like I had only been gone a few days and was coming in town for my normal time with Kerrie.

Someone was in her room, so I could’nt go in.. but I stood outside, along the wall, and watched the clock until it turned 3:33pm.. It felt like Kerrie was going and telling me to go too.. so I turned to leave in the hopes of sneaking out before anyone saw me or recognized me.. that didn’t happen.

Just as I was going to go through the double doors again, a few of Kerrie’s nurses saw me and were very surprised of course.. I hand’t cried until I saw them.. but once I saw them, the tears started and I told them why I was there!

I left quickly, so that I wouldn’t run into anyone else.. but I had this great sense of peace once I left.. like I had done what I was supposed to do and could relax.

Got to my car, took one more look at the the different windows that had been Kerrie’s rooms and left…

I don’t feel I need to go back, but will.. with Mom.. when she’s ready.