A Conversation with Kerrie…

This is a long story, and will need some background info before I really start to tell what happened…

A while back, Mom was given the name of a woman and told that she might want to contact her. Mom was told that this woman was a medium who was very well known and had actually helped out the police, in Michigan, to solve cases. I’m sure Mom was sceptical, but she took the information with the itention of checking out the woman’s web page and seeing what she was about. Around the same time Mom was given this information, she and I had a conversation where we had talked about Kerrie not having a choice to stop her treatment. Yes.. she was the one who said “OK”.. but only after me, mom, the doctors.. everyone.. told her it wasn’t working. I had been feeling guilty that we had to convince her to stop and Mom had been feeling like she had taken the choice away from Kerrie. Even though I had tried to assure Mom that SHE had not taken the choice away.. there was no choice to take away.. I know Mom was still having a hard time with this.

Mom went to this woman’s web page.. ironically, the woman’s company name is “angelvision”. Hmm.. fitting, since Kerrie loved angels so much. There on the page was a purple and green angel ( Kerrie’s favorite colors). The woman’s name… Carrie. This woman, Carrie, had lost a daughter a few years ago. The daughters name.. Jennifer.

On the web page was a video clip.. so Mom clicked on the clip.. the music starts and there’s a sunflower… after the sunflower came the words “the best gift you ever gave me was to let me die.” I think this was all Mom needed to know this was a woman we needed to go talk to. No everyone going to that page would have had someone pass away who had to make a choice like that, or who would have had a choice.. and with everything Mom was going through at that time, that simple message was extraordinary. Mom made an appointment for the two of us to go together, as soon as I got home.

Now, she didn’t give our last names.. but she did give her cell phone number. Being the way I am, I immediatley chastised her for this letting her know that this woman could do a reverse trace on the cell phone, find our last names and if you googled one of us the first thing that shows up is Kerrie’s page.. note to Mom and anyone else who ever does something like this: Give a work phone number that can’t be associated with your name. Well.. needless to say, I was sceptical. I’ve talked with a few people who I truly believe have some kind of a “gift” like this, but I make sure there is no possibility they could find out anything about me.

The day we were to go meet this woman I had a conversation with Kerrie and told her it was going to take some work to make me believe this. I asked her to give me some sign of information that only she and I would know. Something from Christmas..the slinky, a song we liked to sing.. something that wouldn’t have been on the KAST page and something that would have been unusual. Then I asked her to mention the name of a friend I had just met by the name of Mark. I hadn’t mentioned him to anyone.. so this would be a safe name. I told her give me three things that couldn’t be found on the page, or wouldn’t be “common” for people and I would believe.. then Mom and I went to meet this woman.

When we first sat down with her she started explaining how things would work, how she experiences things, what happens afterward, etc. She said that those who have passed on try to communicate with us all the time.. through smells, tastes, feelings or actually hearing them call your name. I’ve actually had experiences like this, so I was interested to hear her mention them..

In the midst of her trying to explain things she stopped talking to us, turned to the side and said “I hear you.. I will tell them when I’m done explaining things”. I almost thought this was kind of funny, and she was being very theatrical, but then she asked which one of us had lost a child because someone kept saying “Mom” to her.. then she said, “she wants you to know that her hair looks better now, she can swallow, talk better and she looks better know. She also wants to say thank you for rubbing her hands, legs and feet all the time and that she’s not cold anymore.”

I think, at this point, Mom and I both burst into tears. My mind was telling me it’s not real.. because the stuff about the hair, swallowing, talking.. that would have all been on the web page.. but the hands, legs and feet.. sure, it may have been mentioned once but I don’t think anyone but Mom, Kerrie and I knew that Mom did this every day and was always trying to make Kerrie’s hands, legs and feet warmer.

She mentioned “Kathy”, and that “Kathy” was taking all of this very hard. Mom will want to give more information to Kathy about this personally, but we believe she was talking about our Cousin Kathy who was with Kerrie the day before she passed away and who Kerrie alwayws considered her “special friend”. Kathy there’s more information on this, so you and mom have got to get in touch.

Next came, “She says she’s with Sally.” Sally is Mom’s sister, who passed away 20 some years ago. She didn’t say, “Whose Sally.” or “Do you know a Sally.”.. she said “She says she’s with Sally.” We’ve known from the very beginning that Kerrie and Aunt Sally were probably partying it up.. but this gave me goosebumps. Sally is not a common name that you would just pull out of thin air and have it mean something.

Then this woman turned to me and said, “Whose Mark and why is Kerrie laughing about this?” I almost choked and said “He’s a friend I met last week.”. Again she asked, “Why is Kerrie laughing and winking about this?” and the only thing I could get to come out of my mouth was “because she’s a bitch!”. I was stunned, because that was the one name I told Kerrie to mention if she wanted me to believe all this.She then went on to mention James and David.. both very significant names in my life. Yes.. Mark, James and David are common names.. but to put all three together, and have them all be of some significance to the conversation seemed a little too real for me. By the way, James, she basically said that you and I were not meant to get married 🙂 Really? I think we figured that out a long time ago ( But I still love you anyway :). As for David.. well, if you want to know what she said, you would actually have to read this and ask me 🙂 Otherwise, I’m not talkin!

She also talked about some issues in my job, that were too close to reality to be pulled out of a hat, including names of people involved.. yet another thing that made me think there could be something to all of this..

And then she said.. “Kerrie’s dancing around and signing I want a hippopotomus for Christmas.” I couldn’t breathe.. that was the Christmas song we liked to sing. Hey, Jingle bells or something like that would be easy to pull out of your @@%# but.. I want a hippopotomus for Christmas? How many people have actually even heard that song? Kerrie and I sang it all the time one year and I spent weeks looking for a stuffed hippo to give her for Christmas that year. I got the name I asked for.. I got the Christmas song.. I only needed one more thing to meet the list of three I told her I needed..

Next she said, “Kerrie says to tell you NO she doesn’t watch you when you are getting undressed, going to the bathroom or having sex.” Again.. I almost choked. Just the week before, I had been getting undressed and wondering just WHEN exactly is Kerrie watching 🙂

Then she looked at Mom and said, “She wants to say thank you for letting her die.” This one did Mom and I both in.. The woman then went on to explain that Kerrie lived two months longer than she should have, because she was trying to make sure we would be OK. The woman’s right.. When the Luekemia came back, in May, Kerrie would have only been with us a few more weeks at the most if she hadn’t decided to suffer through all the chemo and everything again. Because she chose the treatment, she was with us another two months. Mom has alwasy felt that Kerrie chose to do chemo again because we weren’t ready for her to give up.I don’t think Kerrie was ready to give up either, but I’m sure she did it more for us than for herself.

She then told us that Kerrie has a “job”.. she likes to go to young kids, whose pets are dying, when they ask for someone to help their pets. She says youngs kids can see her, because they haven’t grown up enough NOT to believe.. so when a young child’s pet is dying, and they pray for someone to take care of their pet she goes to them, as an angel, and tells them everything will be OK and that she’ll take care of thier pet. This is a VERY KERRIE thing and she would definately do this if she were able. I have no doubt she is 🙂

There were so many other things.. and lots of ribbing of me, from Kerrie, which seemed so real and normal.. but I was still waiting for item #3. It came just as we were leaving. The woman said, “Our time is done.. but she wants me to leave you with this message.. you are the wind beneath her wings.” I’m getting goosebumps thinking of it right now.. Kerrie always said this was her song to me. She would pull me out on the middle of the floor, during Karaoke, and sing it to me.. she recoreded it on tapes for me.. she always sang it to me and said it was my song.. that was all I needed. I believe…

No matter what really happened.. no matter what Mom and I believe.. or what you may believe when reading this.. there was just too much said that couldn’t have come from the KAST page, that couldn’t have been guessed or generalized..

We believe Kerrie talked to us that day.. and it was the best Christmas present we could have asked for..

Jenn