Wednesday August 15
Hello Everyone,
I’m sitting here at Kerrie’s computer writing this post and remembering how I could hear her at night as she hammered away at her homework, or emails, or games. Her fingers would fly and the keys would tap tap so fast. And her foot. Those of you who came to see her at home or at the hospital would comment on how her left foot would be always moving. I could feel it through the floor when she’d sit here. Tap, tap, tap, tap, that foot would be going like crazy. Was it a habit? probably. Must have relieved some tension. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed I can almost hear her still. And when she’d come up the stairs and say goodnite…… good memories, but lonely ones.
Every day one more thing gets done, or one more thing gets added to the to do list. It seems endless right now, but at least I am beginning to cross things off little by little. I know that many of you have offered to come help me with things. The stuff I am doing right now, I really need to do myself. But in another week or two there are other things I need to tackle that I might need some help with, so call me if you have any free time.
Jenn is going to stay home this week, I think that will be good for her. If I am able to walk and talk by Sunday night (last weekend at work was absolutely awful) I am going to drive down and spend a day or so with her. It has been close to a year and a half or even longer since I have been there, so it is about time.
Love seeing all your posts and comments. Love hearing all you memories of Kerrie. Love seeing that so many still stay in touch with Kerrie (and us). Take care all, will post again soon,
Love you
JoanÂ
9 Comments
Jason
Joan,
We only met once.. but I feel pretty close to you.. and know, in a *way* what you are going through. Take your time, there is no rush for the memories, and as far as I know, they never really leave, which is a good thing.
You actually cross off 1.25 things a day and add 1.0. See, you are getting ahead! (well, that’s the way I felt!) The first year was a wash, I just let it take it’s course. Now, things are better, and in a happy.. er… acknowledged way. The pain isn’t forever, the love comes back and wins! ( I don’t mean to give away the ending, but sometimes people read the last page first, so there you go. )
You are a wonderful, loving, incredible woman who has given her all.. for I don’t even know how long.. but what you have done, and I have read, I’m surprised you can still walk! (let alone think!)
Take your time. The medicines that expired, had to be dealt with. Some other things I assume did too. But don’t go to far to fast. Relax, there is time, and you most likely need it. It’s weird in a way. All the things you do for that special someone, and when they leave, we give it so much thought and attention. They are somewhere else, happy, blissful, thinking.. that you should take it easy and not worry yourself so much!
Enjoy the foot tapping, the memories. In a way that is all that we have to hold on to, it’s not going anywhere, and nobody can take it from us… and it means everything.
I hope that gives you some comfort… these times are the most difficult. Things get better, just in a different way.
With all my Love Joan!
J
Sandy Maynerich
Joan,
I think you are doing a great job of handling this and I know it must feel strange not having Kerrie there you will have a feeling for awhile. I use to be in a typing class with Kerrie when we were in High School and back then she use to type that fast. I guess with her tapping her left foot must of ment she was in a rhythm with the typer writer.
If I didn’t have major surgery a week ago tomorrow then I would’ve been there to give you & Jenn a hand with what ever you needed. I can’t do anything for 6 weeks.
The memories of Kerrie Joan will never go away they will stay her for a very very long time and that is good. We all know that she was one very popular and very special person in and out of school and nobody will never forget her or even forget you and your family.
I’m glad you will be getting away from your place you need to do that and be some place different for once. I think Jenn would to have you there for a while.
Please be care and take it easy ok
Love you
Sandy
Teena
Glad to hear you are going to Jenn’s!! Give Cutie a big hug for me! (Jenn too)
Will we be seeing any pictures of you & Jenn enjoying the waterpark?
Love you all bunches!!
Joan
Jason,
thanks for you beautiful words (and everyone else too), but who says I’m thinking:)
sometimes it’s just plain habitual response. Thank god we can sometimes do things on autopilot.
Love You
Joan
Janet Branch
Jason, your words were so beautiful and encouraging, and even though I don’t know you – thank you!
Joan, I have always respected you, yet in this last year I have learned a deeper respect and tremendous love for the unconditional love and dedication that both you and Jenn have shown – I think it made us feel like part of the family as we followed the events – laughing with you, crying with you and certainly praying with you.
Now that Kerrie is at peace I think the pain is so different. We miss Kerrie – but have good memories. Kerrie’s face was so expressive – and I’m sure that everyone has a funny story about Kerrie – she had such a tremendous sense of humor. I’m just glad I knew her – even for such a short time. Remember – we will see her again in eternity. You are still in our prayers.
Janet for the gang at SACC