Tuesday, November 7th

Kerrie was still pretty unresponsive in the morning, but perked up a little in the afternoon. Her answer to everything still is to shake her head no, stare at the tv or flip through the tv channels.

The BMT doctors said she has far exceeded their expectations for someone who has suffered the amount of brain damage she has and that she is still showing a slow improvement… but it is hard to believe that when I talk to her and don’t think she even understands me, or knows who I am.

They cut her pain killers back to 1mg an hour and she’s now showing signs of withdrawal.. sweating, clammy skin, irritability and not wanting to be touched at all. But.. she was definately more alert by evening.

As Mom and I came back from dinner it dawned on Mom that we hadn’t put Kerrie’s glasses back on. She had barely had her eyes open for the last 14 days it just never dawned no us to get them for her. We have been so close to her all the time she hasn’t really needed them.. though I am not sure how she has been watching TV. Not sure she actually watches it… just stares at it. The minute she saw her glasses in Mom’s hand she reached for them and it seemed like there was an immediate improvement.

She looked around the room, looked at us, looked at the pictures and cards we had hung on the wall… but then she began to cry and had a few small tears running down her cheek.

It was one of those moments that we knew she was alert and had a good idea of her condition and what’s been going on.
Our cousin, Jess Vanlue, had sent her a package and we gave it to her to open it.. but she couldn’t do it without help and this sent a few more tears down her face and sent me running for the kleenex again..

The package was a green and purple knit hat ( Kerrie’s favorite colors) that Jess must have made.. with the words F@#K CANCER embroidered in it.

Kerrie just smiled.. the nurses loved it, and so did we, and they were getting other nurses to come in and see it. I would take a picture of her wearing it.. but I don’t think Kerrie would like pictures taken of her right now.

Joi, one of Kerrie’s nurses, came in to see the hat and to see Kerrie and the minute Kerrie saw her smiled ( only a partial smile as she cannot move most of her mouth) and reached out to her. When Joi walked up to her Kerrie grabbed her arm and clung to it. This is the first time in days we are sure Kerrie recoginized someone… and she sure recognized Joi.

They have put a trapeze on Kerrie’s bed, in the hopes that it will help her to pull herself up and to help her to gain some arm strenght in her working arm.. when they were attaching it I told her I was going to buy her some tights and sequined leotard, so she could practice for the circus.. this at least got a smile out of her.

As I was leaving to head back to Ohio, I was just praying and begging that she would show some sign that she knew who I was. As I told her I had to leave I started to cry and tell her I love her.. she squeezed my hand and then reached up to wipe the tears from my face ( Which, of course, made me cry more).

When I asked her if it was ok if I left she shook her head no, I asked her if she wanted me to stay and she shook her head no… but when I told her I loved her she squeezed my hand hard, I hugged her, blew her a kiss.. and she blew one back to me. I hated leaving her and will find it hard to get through the next two days, before I can go back…

But I know, in my heart, she knew who I was…and that will get me through until I can get back to her.

Jenn