On my mind… always

Kerrie you are on my mind today… as you always are.

Just came home from California. Fuat and I took a similiar trip to the one you and I took years ago… I could feel you there in the car with me.

Funny, it turns out we weren’t lost that time thinking we were looking for the Pacific Coast Highway. We were in the right place, we just didn’t know it. I remember being so mad and you getting so upset and telling me to calm down 🙂

On this drive, we were on the 101 and went around a bend and there was this mountain in front of us.. and suddenly there you were in the car next to me, saying how beautiful it was. We stopped at the rest area, and I got out of the car and I thought, “Kerrie and I stood right here. We were here together.. looking at maps and thinking we were lost.” I stood on the sidewalk at that rest area and almost burst into tears thinking you had stood on that same spot.

But my Ker-Bear, I know you were there this time too. The butterfly followed us for a while ( Yes, I saw it..:) ) and the Santa Anna winds were so strong I wondered how that butterfly could keep up with us.

I remembered standing on the edge of the cliff with you, looking over the side, the waves crashing hundreds of feet below and the fog and dark were coming in. That whole drive was so scary. We called mom when it was over to tell her what we had done( driving the darn cliffs for five hours in the dark) and that we had survived.. and on this trip, that darn butterfly showing up, and the winds so strong… and Fuat and I both thought maybe you were telling us, “Don’t go any further. Don’t do it…” I could feel you saying it. So… we didn’t.

We turned around and headed back to L.A… and we passed the mountain, and the rest area.. and I looked at the spot where you had once stood with me and I could see you waving and smiling.

The butterfly was gone after that.

I love you my Ker-Bear, and I miss you.. and thanks for the warning. I wanted to get to the spot where you and I had stood on the edge of the cliff and looked down. I wanted to stand there with you again.. wanted it so badly, but I am sure it wouldn’t have been safe. I think you knew that too 🙂

Please come visit me again soon. I miss you so much.