Merry Christmas To All….And To All A Good Night

Hello Kast Family!

It’s Christmas time again… the sixth Christmas without Kerrie. I think about this almost every day, but then I hear a voice in my head telling me “don’t be silly… I’m here!”

I really think she is… I haven’t put up my own Christmas tree, or even been into my Christmas boxes since the year before Kerrie got sick. This year, Fuat and I stayed home… so it was time to get out the decorations. The first time since 2005 those boxes have been opened.

In my boxes of decorations I found some boxes of Kerrie’s things I had set aside to decide what to do with later… I swear she was standing right there, telling me what to do with some of them.

I found a box of Christmas ornaments, five birds, that must have been special to Kerrie, because they were some of the very few things Kerrie brought with her when she moved back to Michigan from Texas. I could hear her telling me to put one of my tree and send the rest to Mom, Dad, Ron and Aunt Mary Jo. This way she could always be with us at Christmas.

Next, I found a box of Christmas cards she had written to some of the people she worked with the year before she got sick.. she had never given them to the people they were addressed to. As it turns out, Mom has recently gone back to work at that hospital, so I gave them to Mom.. she is now trying to track down the people that still work there and deliver their long lost Christmas cards. I can only imagine how it will make them feel to get a card from Kerrie written eight years ago. This is truly like getting a message from the Ghost of Christmas past.

Each time I looked at something of Kerrie’s she was telling me what to do with it or where to put it…..bossy…just like always 🙂

I opened one of my boxes and found a christmas gift addressed to Kerrie… from me… I had never given in to her in 2005, for some reason.. not sure why. It was a slinky. I have given her a slinky every year since we were little kids. I have kept up this tradition even after she left us.. .taking a gift wrapped slinky out to the cemeraty each Christmas day. I have no idea why this one never made it to her that year…. and I can’t take one to the cemetary this year, since I am not in Michigan, so it sits under the tree.. in the very center, in a place of honor… as it should.

Mom flew in today, and will be with us for the week.. and Fuat’s mother got here two weeks ago. Her first trip out of Turkey, her first Christmas.. it’s all been very exciting…and I know Kerrie is standing right here with us and singing Christmas carols with Fuat, as he walks around the house singing.

Now.. if he just knew the words to “I want a hippopotomus for Christmas”.. that was Kerrie’s favorite Christmas Carol.

My favorite is one that I wrote for Kerrie, shortly after she had regained her speech, but was still unable to eat. She craved ice chips and the staff didn’t want her to have them, because she kept trying to chew them and they were afraid she would choke.
I wrote this song ( to the tune of deck the halls), wrote it down so Kerrie could read the words as we sang… and she would sing to the nurses. Feel free to sing along..

Fill my cup with lots of ice chips
Fa la la la la… la la la la
Screw the food just bring me ice chips
Fa la la la la…. la la la la
I don’t need this stinking face mask
Fa la la… la la la…la la la
Turn around and get me ice chips
Fa la la la la… la la la la

Well, I will leave you all with that catchy little tune in your head, but want to wish the entire Kast Family a Merry Christmas.

Kerrie… we have to hurry and go to bed.. otherwise Santa won’t come! Let’s go!

I love you my Ker-Bear