True American Hero… GI JENN

This morning I have been walking around the house singing “true American Hero… GI Jenn..”

I am no American Hero, but I sure look the part of GI Jane and GI Joe put together.  The hair just became too much, so last night Mom and Teena joined me in the bathroom while my personal hair dresser ( otherwise known as my wonderful husband Fuat) used the # 1 clipper on my head and went to work.

Mom and Teena stood and laughed ( lovingly of course) while Fuat and I laughed… don’t know why I was laughing I couldn’t see anything. He was nice enough to situate my chair so my back was to the mirror and I would not see anything. But, they were laughing… so I was laughing too.

 Turns out clipper # 1 wasn’t doing enough cutting, so… we went without the guard and he did a full shave. He did a great job.. and he really does have a good touch for this. When I had hair, he would dry it for me and style it.. and did such an awesome job… and he did a great job getting rid of it too. I love you honey. Thank you for taking care of it for me.. and thank you to you, mom and Teena for making it fun and easy to get through.

When it was done, I looked in the mirror and the first person I saw was not me… it was Kerrie. There she was, staring back at me. At first it upset me, and then I realized it was like a gift.. that I could see her and all I had to do was look in the mirror.

Then, later, when I was in the bathroom alone.. examining my weird head.. I looked in the mirror and I saw my cousin Paul Whitney. Paul.. really you were staring right back at me and that was a shock! I have never thought I looked like you, but without hair I could see you there in front of me.

Then I looked in the mirror.. and I saw me… I was not shocked, I was not upset.. it was much easier to deal with than I thought it would be.. and then a memory popped into my head.

Kerrie had just been diagonsed and we hadn’t moved her into the hospital yet. She was talking to me, and I think maybe mom was there too.. but it might have just been me. She said, “there’s a reason for this. Either I am supposed to learn something from all this or I am supposed to teach others something.”

She did teach others… she taught the doctors how to handle another transplant patient who recently had bariatric surgery. She was their first and she had complications they weren’t prepared for. Now, because of her, they will know better how to handle a patient like that.

Maybe they will know that if the patient complains of sever headaches that it is NOT just the chemo and NOT just the Spinal tap.. and that maybe it should be checked out to make sure there isn’t a clot somewhere…

Maybe the next time a patient needs dental work, they won’t say it should wait because the chemo has to get started. A few days couldn’t have made that much of a difference.. but we will never know if the dental work being done might have made a difference.

She taught the doctors and the nurses many things over the year she was with them… but then last night, as I stared in the mirror, I realized the most important thing she did.

We didn’t know it… not then.. maybe she knew it later, and knows it now.. but we didn’t know it then. She was preparing me. For this.

She was preparing all of us. Mom, Dad, Ron…. maybe even some of you in the KAST family. My fight is absolutely NOTHING compared to hers, but without her leading the way this would be much worse for us. Something as simple as a port insertion, or shaving the head, or what to expect from chemo.. it would all have been soooo much worse than it is, but we are prepared. Because of her.

As always Ker Bear.. I love you.. I miss you.. I wish you could be here with me ( and sometimes when I look in the mirror you will be).. but I thank you for being my true hero and helping me to be prepared for this. I love you.