Green Eggs (and yellow, and red, and purple and blue) and Ham and other things, too

What a nice Easter Day……..sunshine and snow for us in Michigan………hopefully warmer and dryer for most of you. Had dinner with Ron, Alisa, Robyn and TJ.  Traditional ham, potatoes, etc. (delicious) and lots of Ron’s famous deviled eggs made from the colored ones the Easter Bunny brought. And then a good movie to watch with the family. Good end to a nice day.

Lots of memories too……of last Easter and other Easters in years past. Baskets full of candy and jelly beans, hidden all over the house. Family dinners, kite flying, jump rope and jacks…….all those things you do in the spring. I thought a lot about Kerrie, too. How much a part of Easter she was last year and this year and all the years to come.

The Support Group meeting this month was very comforting. We all share a lot of things, things unique to us as parents and siblings…..we talked a lot this time about communicating with our loved ones after they are gone. This is a topic that is being researched more and more, and is becoming a big part of dealing with death and loss. Almost everyone there reported that they have felt they had had some type of communication with their child. One or two said they hadn’t but someone else had and had given them a message. That is your communication we told them. And when you or they are ready they will come to you directly.

I feel Kerrie’s presence at different times……..not always as much as I did at first, but she’s still around……..and Jenn and I talked about all these things and she thought I should share a story about what happened to me one night at work.

One of the nurses I work with is very holistic in her delivery of care. She has many non-traditional beliefs, studies alternative therapies, and believes strongly in the ablitity to communicate with those who have passed. One nite, a patient, who many of the staff had taken care of and learned to love, was actively dying. The nurse asked me if I would like to participate in a drumming ceramony to help her spirit prepare for her passing. I said sure and looked at Kerrie’s friend Sandy and said “We need to ask Kerrie to come”. Sandy looked a little surprised and said “Joan, she’s already here, can’t you tell”. A little while later they called me and I went to the room. The family was gathered around the patient and they all took the opportunity to speak to her and to say special goodbyes while the soft sound of the drum and rattle kept beat in the background. While I sat there a little away from them I felt a pressure on my shoulders, someone was leaning against me with their hands on my shoulders, except that I was back against the wall and there wasn’t anyone there you could see. But I knew who it was, so I reached up and patted her hand to let her know I knew she was there.

Then I watched the patient who I thought would not be breathing much longer and had to blink my eyes several times. Here comes my cataracts I thought, as I saw this cloud rise up from her head and shoulders and then go down again. I blinked but it stayed than went back and I thought it was gone. I looked to see if she had oxygen and I was seeing the mist from the mask. Nope. I checked out the pump at the foot of the bed…..the air mattress…….that wouldn’t do that. Then I saw it again. Up, away from her head and upper body and then back down. Then it stopped. We all said our goodbyes to her, and I told her I had a special angel I had asked come to help her on her journey. The nurse stood and chanted a special Indian blessing and we left her to finish her time with her family.

Later I went to talk to the nurse “You’re the only one I can tell who won’t think I’m nuts” I said. She told me “You did see it Joan, that is what happens towards the end, their spirit leaves for a short time and then returns and leaves and returns. It’s getting ready for the final trip” and then she told me what she saw when I stood and talked to the patient. “Joan, you had this light all around you when you reached out and touched her”. That was Kerrie, I am sure. She was the light that was around me sending her energy to me and the patient.

I have cherished that experience ever since it happened. My only regret is that I didn’t know what to look for when Kerrie was leaving us. I knew when she was gone but not just when she left. I knew her body was breathing and her heart was beating but she wasn’t there anymore. I even looked up several times to let her know i knew in case she was still there looking down at us. I just wished I could have seen her spirit leave and know that she was gone and at peace.

I know that many of you think this kind of belief is blasphemy or antireligious or just plain nuts, but years of working with patients and with others who have dealt with this, and when I see the volumes of literature and legitimate research being done, I have to feel there is some credibility in this. And no matter what, it gives me comfort to know that when the body dies, the spirit does not. It goes on happy and content in a life, waiting until we all can join, in whatever form we may take.

That I think is the spirit of Easter. No matter what religion, even if you don’t observe Easter, we all believe in some type of life after death, some type of reward for all our earthly troubles, whether it happens right away or in some distant time. We are all promised that we will rise again………that the Father’s house has many mansions and we will be content and happy. It’s such a comfort to know it is true.

With Love

Joan