Hmm… I think it’s time to teach Fuat about Draino and how to use it. Each day, as I would stare at the hair in the bottom of the tub would wonder “how many days?” “Will it come out a little at a time, just like this, or will it start to come in handfuls?”

Yesterday, I got my answer.

 As I stood, staring at the huge pile of hair in my hand as I tried to wash the rest of the shampoo out… all I could think was “this is it”. The more I tried to get the shampoo out, the more that ended up in my hands. When I ran a comb through it, to get the conditioner to spread evenly… the pile just got larger. I was afraid to rinse or comb or wash… afraid how much more would come out. Afraid  I would be left with nothing or a big bald patch. I KNEW it would happen, but no matter how prepared I was for it.. you can’t really be prepared for it. And.. I started to cry.

My poor, sweet husband heard me crying and was so worried he came running into the bathroom. Afraid I had fallen, afraid something terrible had happened. Instead.. he found me standing there, crying over a pile of hair.  He was so nice, so sweet, so consoling.. even though I think he was laughing a little on the inside

I kept thinking about Kerrie… Did she cry when it started coming out? I don’t think so…but I don’t remember. Mom and I talked a little about it last night, and Mom reminded me that she really didn’t lose a lot of her hair before she had Alisa cut it short. She really didn’t begin losing her hair until after her extensive chemo and the bone marrow transplant.. and right around the time she had to have the brain surgery. By that time, I doubt she cared much about her hair.. but had she lost it earlier I don’t think she would have cried. She would have met it head on and shaved it all of. If she cried..none of us would have ever known.. not even me.  I intended not to let anyone see me cry.. maybe Kerrie would know… but no one else would. Unfortuatly, my darling Fuat heard me and came running.

After he was able to stop my tears and make me feel better, we decided we wouldn’t wait for the hair to decide to leave me.. I was going to get rid of the hair. Last night we went to the hair dresser, picked out a really REALLY short cut and told the woman to start cutting. I didn’t go as short as a military buzz cut.. not ready for that yet, but assume that will come soon if the hair continues to fall out as it has been… but it’s pretty short. Reminds me of the short haircut Jamie Lee Curtis has.

The entire time I was sitting there, I kept my eyes closed.. afraid to look. Fuat just kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much he liked it and I could tell, by the smile on his face, he really meant it.. he wasn’t just saying that to make me feel better.

I’m getting used to it a little more today, but feels so strange.. I don’t think my hair has been this short since I was a baby.  But, I have to face facts that by the time I get used to it, that it will probably be gone.   Time to get the scarves and hats ready

 Honey, thank you so much for being so wonderful when I was going through my little trauma yesterday :)   I love you my Fuat.

And Kerrie.. every time I hold a handful of hair in my hand and want to cry I will think of you. You had so much strength. When I grow up I want to be just like you…. You are truly my hero. I love you too my Ker-Bear