Another July 27th… the 6th one

Oh my sweet Ker-Bear. Another July 27th has come and gone… and yes, I know, I am late getting this post on here.

I hate July most of all.. The day July 1st hits I start thinking about the 27th…dreading the day it comes. I miss you every day, but most of all this day. I think about every minute of that day.. actually every minute of the day before through THAT day. Wishing I had said more to you while you were still “with us” enough to be able to hear or understand me.. wishing I had done a lot of things differently.. wishing… always wishing…

If I could have one day back in my entire life I would want it to be July 26th… so that there wouldn’t be so many regrets on July 27th. But… I know you forgive me.

This was the first year you were “alone” on July 27th. The first time we didn’t come to the cemetary. But, as you know, it wasn’t because we didn’t want to.

And, really, I know in my heart that you weren’t there waiting for us. I am pretty sure you were there with all of us at some point througout the day… but hey, you could have been with mom and I at 3:30pm when we went into Ceasar’s palace 🙂 You must have been with Ron or Dad at that time.

Yes, we found the $20 bill you put in mom’s path as she walked down the hall of the hotel on July 26th. We purposely went to Ceasar’s Palace ( I know it was your favorite in Atlantic City)… we purposely went to your favorite game ( Wheel of Fortune) and we purposely played that $20 at 3:30pm. Mom and I held our breaths… waiting for all the bells and whistles to go off…but… nothing. Mom could hear you laughing at us, wherever you were, and I could almost hear you saying, “What do you want? I gave you $20 already 🙂 ”

Thanks for the $20 🙂 and we have fun playing your game for you.. even if we didn’t get all the bells and whistles.

We love you Ker-Bear.. and we miss you.. no matter what day of the year it is.

Hugs and kisses to my sweet, baby sister. I love you so much!

Your “Jenny Benny”